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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25679824">a million nights i've loved this quiet</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficsandchill/pseuds/ficsandchill'>ficsandchill</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Say It First [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>NCT (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Intimacy, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan is Whipped, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT) is Whipped, Warm and Fuzzy Feelings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:40:38</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,006</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25679824</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficsandchill/pseuds/ficsandchill</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Donghyuck has this tendency to underestimate where he stands in Mark's life.</p><p>And unknowingly, Mark might underestimate his place in Donghyuck's life too. </p><p>And it takes so much to be vulnerable; courage, trust and time.<br/>Courage, and people thought Donghyuck would be the one to have that but when it comes to Mark, he honestly isn't sure himself.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Say It First [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1810522</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>148</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>a million nights i've loved this quiet</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This can be read as a standalone, but i promise you, your heart would flutter very differently if you read the previous parts first because you would understand and experience their journey!</p><p>I honestly didn't know how I end up writing this to be a bit more emotional than the previous parts considering how lighthearted they were but I hope you'll like it.</p><p>The title is lyrics from sabrina claudio - wanna know. It really fits the atmosphere while reading this, give it a try if you'd like to.</p><p>Let me know what do you guys think, enjoy! ♡</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>Donghyuck scrubbing the towel to dry his hair a bit more before he slowly opens the bathroom door connected to Mark and his bedroom. The room is dark except for the flicker of light from the opened window blinds. The soft light illuminates their bedroom enough for him to see the figures laying on the bed, facing the very bathroom's door that he is standing at. Donghyuck quickly shuts the bathroom's light off, not wanting the sudden intrusion of light on Mark's face to wake him up. Mark must have fallen asleep waiting for him because usually he sleeps facing Donghyuck's side of the bed, unconsciously reaching for Donghyuck for a cuddle when he's deep in his sleep.</p><p>Donghyuck tiptoes to his side of the bed, dumping the towel he used in the laundry bin on his way. Climbing into the bed as lightly as he can without making too much of squeak from the bed. He makes himself comfortable and laying facing Mark's back.</p><p>From the limited light, he could see Mark's figure breathing in. Then breathing out. In. And out again, steadily and slowly.</p><p>They have gone home from a friend's party, Donghyuck as the designated driver this time so he didn't drink. Mark didn't drink much either, something about wanting to work on an assignment tomorrow so he doesn't want to be too hangover the next day but he was tipsy which made him more giggly than normal all the way home. Mark didn't want to shower before bed, said he was too sleepy and plopped himself on the bed. Which leaded Donghyuck to clean the sweats on Mark's face, neck, upper body after he got rid of the flannel and undershirt that Mark wore because he knows Mark would wake up uncomfortable. All the while Mark was whining softly but didn't put much of a fight. After Donghyuck helped him putting on a clean shirt and get rid of his pants to leave him in his boxer, Donghyuck got Mark to lay comfortably and properly on the bed instead of just carelessly starfishing on the bed like he first did.</p><p>Donghyuck went to the kitchen to get a glass of water and aspirin and put it on Mark's bedside table before he went and take a shower himself.</p><p>The faint sound of a car's honk from a couple of floors below of their apartment pulls Donghyuck out of his staring trance on Mark's back.</p><p>Mark breathing is still steady. It's comfort on its own, to see Mark here beside him, peacefully sleeping.</p><p>Donghyuck thought of the soft dazed smile Mark gave him after Donghyuck got him under the cover, with a tiny "thank you baby." before Donghyuck went to the kitchen for the water and aspirin. He has so much love for the boy laying beside him, that taking care of him is not at all, never will be a burden. It's a privilege. A privilege that Mark trusts him enough to take care of him when he's vulnerable. That Mark is vulnerable to him. Donghyuck has trouble with being vulnerable and people don't realize this if they don't know Donghyuck well enough, blinded by the boisterous, full of life front he wears most of the times.</p><p>But Mark. Mark Lee. The way Mark is capable of reading him like an open book as if he is written for a very dumb child considering how easy Mark does it. How Mark can speak to him only by using his eyes. Eyes that gaze on Donghyuck so softly when he's going through an emotional turmoil that he just couldn't voice out, gaze so soft but gave Donghyuck the security he so desperately needed. Arms that strangely but never unwelcoming, feels like home when its encircled Donghyuck's waist. Mark's light whisper of "You don't have to tell me, but I'm here whenever you need me. Whenever, remember that Donghyuck. And when you're ready, I will be here too. Okay, baby?" which only made the tears Donghyuck held back to stroll down his cheeks freely and buries his head even further to Mark's chest. Nodding into Mark's chest, only for Mark to tighten his hold on Donghyuck and brush his back in comfort, holding him like he's something precious.</p><p>Donghyuck stares again at Mark's back, rising then falling. Raising then falling.</p><p>Donghyuck reaches out a hand, hesitantly yet gently touches Mark's back with his forefinger. Staying there to check if Mark would stay asleep.</p><p>When Mark doesn't move, he slowly drags the finger down to form a line, stopping again to see if Mark would stay asleep. The room is quiet except for the occasional sound of cars passing through from below and Mark soft breathes of inhaling and exhaling.</p><p>Confident that Mark would not wake up, Donghyuck then proceeds to trace the letter 'L' after the 'I' he wrote earlier. Donghyuck holds his breathe, it's silly because Mark is not even aware or conscious. So why does it take so much for him to do this? It's so stupid. This is so unfair for Mark, Donghyuck wants Mark to know that Mark owns his entire heart, his entire soul and body. But the thoughts scare him so much. The very reason why he started their silly way of saying the word to each other. It's special and entirely theirs but it's not enough. Not enough for Mark. Mark deserves so much. He deserves so much better, Donghyuck, he scolds himself in his head.</p><p>Then he traces the rest of the letters, slowly but gently, the letter 'O', the letter 'V' and the rest of them until he traces the last letter 'U'.</p><p><em>I</em> <em> love you.</em></p><p>He retreats his finger quickly to his chest after the last letter, feeling that his heart beating erratically. Surprised that he completed the letters. A tear falling to his pillow sideways and Donghyuck didn't realize that he was tearing up. He quickly wipes it away, sniffs carefully in the quiet room as another tear falls. It's not at all out of sadness, it's out of relief. Relief to finally let it wholly out of his chest, even if Mark is unconscious to receive it. Not just a set of 'I' &amp; 'You' or a single 'Love' like the ones he uses with Mark all this while. A complete declaration of his own, a complete <em>I love you</em>.</p><p>He brings the same finger again to Mark's back, tracing the words a second time. Slowly and gently. All the while holding in his breath, nervous to trace it the second time. His forefinger lingers a bit when he finishes the final letter 'U'. Retreating his hand back to his chest and worry bubbling in his chest if the second time would stir Mark awake. But Mark stays put with his steady breathing.</p><p>Donghyuck got a taste now and he can't get enough. It feels like a weight is lifted off his chest. It's addicting, it's comforting, it's exhilarating. It's Mark. He loves Mark so much.</p><p>Knowing Mark is deep in his sleep, Donghyuck brings his forefinger to Mark's back again and traces the words a third time. Fourth time. Fifth time. Until he lost count and just keeps on repeating tracing the words delicately on Mark's back until he feels that he has made up for all the times that he should say it to Mark, the times he owes it to Mark. Which leads him to trace it for another one and another one because he knows it would never be enough. Not enough. Tracing it without Mark hearing it would never be enough. He stops when he was tracing the left leg of the letter 'V'. </p><p>He rests his hand on the space between them. The relief washing his whole being is slowly replaced by a sense of guilt, of being inadequate. Being inadequate in loving Mark the way he so deserves to be loved. The thought shakes him to his core as he releases a shaky breathe and bring his hands to his chest to still his rapidly beating heart, this time not out of relief. He tries to steady his breath and will himself to stop the fresh waves of tears from his eyes. He sniffs again and rubbing his chest in an attempt to will his heart to calm down.</p><p>Then he feels himself being pulled into a chest that he found sanctuary in as the arms bringing his closer, gathering his figure to Mark's body.</p><p>"I love you too." A raspy whisper invading the quietness that sits comfortably in the room for the longest time. Mark tucks Donghyuck's head under his chin, rubbing his hand up and down Donghyuck spine ever so slowly. Without Donghyuck realizing he is following Mark's unspoken guide to take a long breath in and release an equally long breath out, in which Mark demonstrates with his breathing.</p><p>When Mark feels Donghyuck breathing goes back to normal, He leans down to kiss the top of Donghyuck's head, staying there, breathing in the smell of shampoo Donghyuck used. Mark gathers Donghyuck closer to his chest before he continues, "I love you." Tightens his arms around Donghyuck. "I love you." Mark takes a deep breathe in, "I need you to know that, Hyuck." He leans down to kiss the top of Donghyuck's head again, resting his mouth there and mouth the words "I love you so much."</p><p>Donghyuck's breathing hitches, despite just regulating his breath with Mark seconds ago. There goes Mark again, taking everything in Donghyuck's world only to make it better. Stealing Donghyuck's heart, only to teach it how to beat better, love better.</p><p>Donghyuck moves up his shaky hands and moves it to rest on Mark's chest. His right hand resting comfortably on Mark's left pectoral. Through the shirt, he can feel the thundering beatings of Mark's heart. He rubs a circle over the spot over and over again, in a gesture of wanting to calm down Mark's heart. It's comforting to know that this doesn't only scare him. That this affects Mark just as much. He's not alone.</p><p>Donghyuck kisses Mark's heart through his shirt, he can feel Mark takes a sharp intake. They both know it means more than a kiss. It's Donghyuck implying he wants to offer Mark the same security and comfort Mark has offered to him. Mark can be safe with him too. Donghyuck plants a kiss again then another, he breathes in. A moment passed before he shakily lets out "I love you so much." Donghyuck plants a last kiss to the same spot before he continues "I need you to know that too." Then Donghyuck rubs circles over the spot, "I love you."</p><p>Donghyuck moves to pull back from Mark's chest, intending to kiss him only to stop when he takes in the sight of Mark's face. Fresh tears falling from his eyes but there is a sweet smile on Mark's lips, a smile so meaningful and the gaze he directs to Donghyuck is filled with adoration, softness and gratefulness. Donghyuck thumbs are quick to wipe the tears away as he cradles Mark face, biting the 'i'm sorry' on the tip of his tongue because he knows Mark would hate it and scold him softly that there's nothing to be sorry about. Donghyuck is wise enough to know that would only break this moment they are having. </p><p>So instead, he gave Mark a gentle smile back, holding his gaze before he leans in to kiss Mark on the lips. It's nothing more than a lingering soft and sweet kiss, both smiling too much to kiss longer.</p><p>Donghyuck pulls back and lay on his back, pulling Mark gently to him and patting his chest. Mark obligates willingly and rests his head on Donghyuck's chest, circling his arms around Donghyuck. Half of Mark's upper body engulfing Donghyuck. Donghyuck runs his fingers through Mark's hair,</p><p>"Goodnight, baby."</p><p>Mark nuzzles Donghyuck's chest, sighs contently and replies "Goodnight." </p><p>They both fall asleep with a soft smile on their faces.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you so much for your kind words and the kudos for the previous parts of this series! They really made me happy and I really do hope you love this one too. ♡</p></blockquote></div></div>
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